Show-n-Tell. It is a terrible activity to make children participate in. Awkward kids forced to stand in front of the entire class and display their tattered blanky or a crusty Teddy Bear. What about the kid who picked his nose while telling about his family trip to the Great Smoky Mountains?
As for my family, we kicked show-n-tell’s ass! We brought livestock into our classrooms. Goats that guzzled milk from baby bottles and crusty pigs with manure spattered all over their slimy pink snouts. One year, my younger brother, Shane brought in a baby chick and it climbed up on top of his head and crapped all over his red hair. Yeah, we were the coolest.
I was more of a teller. Starting in kindergarten, all the way up to the third grade, I told the same story, “I am an Italian princess, “Terrah Maria una princepessa Italiano.” I’d would hold up my tiny digits and count them one by one. “My great, great, great, great, great grandfather and grandmother were king and queen of Italy so that makes me a real Italian princess.” Then I would go sit down with a smile on my face, gleaming with pride and royalty.
I was dethroned by the age of 9 in Mrs. Crawford’s class when she pulled me aside and told me that lying was not something little girls should do and that I am NOT an Italian Princess. BITCH!I remember vividly the moment she crushed my dreams. It was worse than finding out Santa Clause doesn’t really live in the North Pole. She essentially ruined the game of show-n-tell for me forever. I went home and cried to my mother, furious at her for lying to me for years.
Today, my family stands by the story of our royal ancestors. *It is important to note here that kings of this time and region are the equivalent of a U.S. Governor. So I continue to claim my imperial bloodline, with no inheritance to show and a branch of our family tree by the name of Vittorio Emanuele, my great grandfather, to the fifth degree. Legend, or shall I say, the wise book of Wikipedia, mentions that Vittorio Emanuele was King of newly United Italy in the mid-1800’s. He is buried in the Vatican, amongst the world’s great popes and kings.
Here is what I found out: (Italian: Vittorio Emanuele II; March 14, 1820 – January 9, 1878) was the King of Piedmont, Savoy, and Sardinia from 1849 to 1861. On February 18, 1861, he assumed the title King of Italy to become the first king of a united Italy, a title he held until his death in 1878. The Italians gave him the epithet Father of the Fatherland (Italian: Padre della Patria). When I arrive in Italy this Sunday, I am headed straight for the Vatican to visit my grandpa.
In your face, Mrs. Crawford! ☺